her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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