sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't EVER smell your tampon
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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