why didn't you poke me back
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize