Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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