Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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