There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
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