I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
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definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
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Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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