So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
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needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
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The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
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