you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
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He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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