she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Is it penis luge time yet?
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I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
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I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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