We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
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Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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