Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize