when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
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protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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