You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
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Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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