Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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