and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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