"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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