Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize