Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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