pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
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Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
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Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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