I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
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He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
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We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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