I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
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I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
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I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize