How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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