I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
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I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about my life...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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