just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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