I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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