somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
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Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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