let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
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Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
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Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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