Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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