How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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