i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
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posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
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We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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