You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
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I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
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I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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