i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
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Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
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do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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