last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
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told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
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Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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