So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize