It's Friday. Sex?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
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I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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