So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
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I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
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I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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