I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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