Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
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