If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
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I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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