I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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