Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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