Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
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Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
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I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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