My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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