never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
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Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
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And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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