I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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