You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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