After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
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Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
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A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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