I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
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She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
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Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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