I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My feet surprised me
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize